How to Deal with Toxic People. One of the top things we can do to look after our mental health is to socialise and maintain healthy friendships and working/ personal relationships. Those we choose to be closest to should be supportive and bring out the best in us. Toxic people are bad for our health this post looks at how to spot them and why you might want to “take out the trash”. Is it time to declutter your emotional life?
What is a Toxic Person?
Toxic people suck! Whether its energy or joy they’re taking, you’ll often come away from them consistently feeling one or more of these things – mentally drained, physically exhausted, stressed, irritable, angry/ violent, irrational even depressed. Everyone has off days or roles they are not suited to which can bring the poison out. As we can tolerate around 10% of our time in conflict we’ve got this!
Spot the Toxics
The Gossip Trying to unearth weaknesses or perceived faults in you and others. Often bored with life, easier to judge others than work on themselves.
The Enabler Takes control by helping, even at cost to themselves.
The Drama Queen Focus is always on them and their problems. Never about solutions. “Poor me”. Very draining constantly need help and external validation.
The Bully Blaming, angry and self-righteous. They can identify as threatened, feeling powerful/in control is their driving force.
The Advisor gives you advice you don’t ask for and don’t need, forget everyone’s in charge of their own lives. You might wonder how someone so nice can be so irritating.
The Frienemy Jealous of your success and happy if you have bad news. Can treat you very differently one to one than they do in front of others.
The Gruesome Twosome:
The Sociopath Will rush to get to know you and all about you. Will mirror you to evoke trust. (idealise) Plays push me pull you by withdrawing and then giving attention (devalue). Will attempt to control what you do for their affection (then discard). Limited emotional range means they are bored most of the time and have no conscience. A bit of a zombie. “Hoovering” is a term for trying to get people back into the idealisation cycle… Anger issues
The Narcissist Similar way of operating as Sociopath, idealise etc. Like an old-fashioned movie set pre CGI, a façade with no substance. Crumbles without admiration/attention/ capitulation from others. Feels entitled to …well feels entitled full stop. Anger issues. Highly dependent on other people unlike the sociopath who is indifferent.
The 3rd of the “Dark Triad” of personality types. If superman was a frenemy. Will use what they think they’ve learned against you and others to give them some misguided sense of power/ control. These “ear whisperers” know what to say and to who for maximum impact. Talking of Impact, they will “throw anyone under the bus” at a moment’s notice. Very often they’ll be the bosses’ favourite and their co-worker’s nightmare.
How to Deal with Toxic People
1.Avoid! Prevention is always easier that cure. Cut them out or cut them off. If you can’t avoid them altogether, if they are family members or work colleagues. Keep conversation neutral and interaction down to a minimum. Honing your instinct will make it easier to cut them off at the pass.
2. Be wise and ask yourself 3 golden questions – Do I know this person? Do I like them? Do I trust them? Then you get to decide just how much interaction and information will be shared.
3. Don’t take anything personally, it’s not about you!
4. Set clear boundaries of what is and is not acceptable for you e.g., Someone who will not take no for an answer is an asshat. Would you trust an asshat?
5. Give your attention and focus to positive supportive people in your life. No attention really is the killer blow for toxic people.
6. Laugh. A sense of humour will get you through a lot! Picture them in ridiculous situations or give them a silly name (inside voice).
7. Think of what interests them as their currency…. Knowing what motivates people makes it easy to anticipate what they might do or say and not be surprised or disappointed by them. When you are able to observe the games that people play and maintain your own dignity, you’ll find karma often works very quickly.
How to Deal with Toxic People
Toxic people all about currency and powerplays and as slaves to their own disfunction can become very boring very quickly. Motivated by jealousy/ power/control/ neediness/ release from boredom/ self-image/ reputation/ being part of a group. If you remain disinterested, leave your ego at the door, you can reduce the amount of time you think of or are exposed to them. All different types of people exist we can’t all be the same or always act in the same way, we all have bad days! But what sets toxic people apart is their consistency. I hope this post helped you spot any toxic people in your life and helps motivate you to focus on the people who really do deserve your attention.
How Hypnotherapy Can Help
- Just like its name, Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, focuses on solutions not problems.
- I offer a professional, confidential and non-judgemental space. So, you have freedom to express yourself as much or as little as you choose.
The combination of traditional talking therapy and deep relaxation techniques allows you to
- Become calmer and more relaxed
- Become more Self aware
- Help put things into perspective
- Focus on what you do want
- Become empowered and in control of your own life.
- Come up with a plan of how you are going to get to where you want to be.
If that sounds like you could benefit or for more details, please feel free to contact me and give your mind a welcome rest.
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