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6 Ways to Stay Sane

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Welcome to my, by no means exhaustive, list. Alternatively titled 6 Ways to Stay Sane (enough!) We are all human and hypnotherapists face the same emotional challenges in life as everyone else. The goal is not necessarily to be zen like and permanently calm.

No one is perfect, to keep trying, growing, learning and improving your average of not going off the deep end is good enough for us humans. To be in touch with your all your emotions and to learn how, when and if they are working for you or against you is something, we can all benefit from. www.mindowl.org run wonderful courses and sessions on all aspects of emotional intelligence.

Definition Sane (adj)- “Mentally Healthy able to think and behave normally and act reasonably”. The can of worms that is “behaving normally” is a subject for a future post.

Disclaimer:

1.Breathe

Breathe– Stress builds and builds. Want to interrupt the cycle? Then try this simple exercise. Breathe in for 7 seconds and out for 11. You can do it anywhere without anyone even knowing you’re doing it. Breathe in calm or get playful and creative, breathe in strength / acceptance (whatever you want). Breathe out stress and anxiety, this calms you (by getting in touch with your parasympathetic nervous system) and helps us gain that all important sense of perspective. Even if you smoke or vape, you’ll find this little trick might actually help you save some cash or even with time and effort quit (if you want to).

2. Exercise

Exercise Move and stretch. It’s vital, physical and mental health are 2 sides of the same coin. dance in the living room with the kids, squeeze your buttocks as you walk, Plie like a ballerina when u take your washing out of the machine, climb the stairs enough times to reach the summit of Everest, try chair based yoga, move what you can when you can. Whatever you manage is a step in the right direction. The book Spark by John Ratey (available in audio for those on the move) looks at the science of exercise’s effect on the brain. How it increases our ability to cope with stress. How we move affects how we think and how we think affects how we feel. It also increases our ability to learn…

 

3. Learn

Learn something, maybe something you’ve always wanted to but never managed to find the time. Grandma Moses started to paint in her 70’s, Mozart was playing piano at 4. Age or circumstances are irrelevant. The only boundaries are the ones you place on yourself get creative. Grab those 10 minutes a day if that’s all you have and treat yourself to exploring something new that makes you happy. We are living in a golden age of technology with never before access to online tutorials, webinars, classes and lectures. And with remote technology you need never have to do it alone.

 

4. Connect

Connect, keep in touch with friends and family. We are all in this together, self-sufficient hermits living off the land with access to spring water and 100% lifelong clean bill of health aside. We need each other to function/ thrive. Enjoy shared interests, the host of crows that live by me night not have the pull for a local appreciation society, globally is a different story. Connecting can also mean helping. Can you help someone sink or swim or at a push, float? Can you let yourself be helped? Do it locally or join an online community, even build an online community.

 

  1. Be Prepared

Be prepared. Like the stoic Epictetus said we can’t control anything that happens outside ourselves the only thing you we control is how we respond. How do we give ourselves the best chance is to be the healthiest version of ourselves? Practically, organisation is key, declutter, simplify, for example Steve Jobs always wore the same outfit, no deciding what to wear. No wasted effort on something that was unimportant to him. Is there something in your life that is similar, causes you frustration even though it’s of no interest? Can you side-line it by sticking to a template?

If we make sure we have enough essentials for physical comfort and to keep our bodies and environment clean. Eating healthily is one of the biggest ways to remain fighting fit. After all our body is the one thing, we carry around permanently. These basic things help to strengthen our faith in ourselves. In our abilities to survive and thrive no matter what life throws at us.

 

6. Sleep!

Sleep We all know there’s nothing like a good night’s sleep. It allows our bodies to make all their essential repairs. Dreamland has a purpose too. Be they realistic or symbolic, dreams help us take the sting out of problems/ upsets. They make molehills out of mountains and act to save our mental health. Anything that’s made us emotional or reactive during the day is re run. The memories are moved to regions of the brain that that help us gain perspective.

Good sleep tips: regular sleep and wake up times; make your room a little sanctuary for sleep and rest, no electronics or work in the bedroom; put eating, exercising and screen time on list of things to avoid an hour before bed. And snuggle down for a peaceful night.

 

The primitive region of our minds reacts to protect us in times of real or imagined crisis. Its job is to keep us safe, vigilant and alive. By doing everything we can that is within our control we are calming and soothiwng ourselves. Acting within what we can control, reduces unnecessary stress. In the face of the very real or imagined threats we all face. It gives us the chance to respond to life’s challenges in the healthiest ways possible.

 

Hypnotherapy is a tool which helps you to get the primitive mind on board. It becomes a team player, working with you not against you. You are always the one in control. As a hypnotherapist I act as a guide/ coach. You will find your own unique and instinctive voice which will guide you through life. Creating the life, you love that is just right for you.

 

Please feel free to contact me for more information or to book a session.

6 Steps to No Drama and How Hypnotherapy Can Help

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Want to live a life with more ease, resourcefulness and joy? Before getting to our 6 steps. It’s important to recognise:

How Excessive Drama Affects Us

Drama and conflict are a natural part of all our lives. As a rule of thumb, we’re can expect to be able to deal with spending up to 10 % of our time involved in it. More than that and we can get:

  • Stressed
  • mentally drained
  • Physically exhausted/ ill.
  • Sleep problems
  • Irritable
  • Angry/ violent
  • Irrational
  • Depressed

How Drama is Created

Dr Stephen Karpman came up with the Drama Triangle Have you been invited to play? Then please choose your role:

  • victim
  • persecutor
  • rescuer

Heads up, none of these roles is the good one and spoiler alert, no one ever wins.

The Victim

In this sense is someone who is acting the part of being helpless. With negative self-beliefs such as” I can’t do this.”  They have doubts about their ability to do anything about their situation.  They suffer from self-fulfilling prophecies and poor me syndrome. Self-defeating thinking e.g. “Why do these things always happen to me?”. They focus on problems not solutions.

The Persecutor

 

Or the bully. Blaming, angry and self-righteous. They can use anything from rage to snide/ sarcastic remarks, undermining, ridicule (the eye roll is a great example of this). saying “It’s all their own fault. “. Gaining allies, who are often grateful not to be the target of abuse. However, they can identify as threatened, using criticism and blame as a self defence mechanism, to keep their own boundaries in check. Internally they may feel hurt and they can justify their own agenda by saying to themselves “If I said or do this to them (the victim) it’d be better for everyone. Feeling powerful/in control is their driving force.

The Rescuer

Or Hero sees themselves as a helper or caregiver. Often so keen to help that hey drain themselves. They think “I’m nice, I’ll help”. This robs the victim of the dignity of helping themselves. Promotes the victim’s “poor me” mentality and mires the victim down. Rescuers don’t tend to look at their own lives, which can often be a mess. Rescuers can be powerful/ dangerous enablers. When their partners are alcoholics, addicts or adult infants. No matter the consequences they need to be needed.

We can be all these things at different times and with different groups. The roles can move within any drama, for instance victims can become resentful bullies if they feel they are not getting the help they need. But it’s important to recognise our usual starting position.

 

What We Can Do About It

Acey Choi came up with a solution to the vicious drama cycle, The Winners Triangle. To become healthy, energised and empowered – We change:

  • Victim to Survivor
  • Persecutor to Challenger
  • Rescuer to Responder

Victim – needs to if recognise their own Voice and ask for help to become a survivor, a problem solver. Asking questions and thinking in terms of “What do I want?”, “What can I do?”, “What can I stop doing/ let go of?” and “What am I grateful for?”

The Persecutor needs to be aware that Power is not to be used to exploit others. They become the challenger. Recognising their own wounds might be at the root of their behaviour. They’re firm but fair and insist that people keep to their side of the whatever bargain is being made.

 

The Rescuer needs to learn how to Respond and becomes a coach. Asking the victim questions like “what can you do about it?” “What have you done before, that could help you now?” By responding rather than rescuing they put a boundary on their time and resources so that they burn out.

 

 

The no no list!

 

  • Toxic people –There will always be a small minority of people that thrive on drama, often they lack empathy. They can adopt any of the roles but are manipulative, jealous and insecure. These types of people will poke around, trying to unearth weaknesses and use what they think they’ve learned against you. If you can’t avoid them altogether, if they are family members or work colleagues. Keep conversation neutral and interaction down to a minimum.

 

  • Gossip – keep your focus on your own life and your own business.

 

  • Advising – unless you’re asked, this can be one of the easiest ways to wind someone up the wrong way and before you know it … drama, seemingly out of nowhere.

 

  • Probing – asking questions you’ve no right to – see gossip above!

 

The 6 Steps to Successfully Saying “No” to Drama

 Most importantly -Take care of yourself, mentally and physically.

 Then when you receive an invitation to play

  •  Step 1 – Pause- take a step back.
  • Step 2 – Turn down the invitation– You can say  “okay”, “thank you” or leave.
  • Step 3 – Become self-aware – think, what is triggering me and how come?
  • Step 4 – Gain perspective – You are only the centre of your own universe. What else could be going on?
  • Step 5 – Remember It’s not personal.
  • Step 6 – Be the person you want to be. Remember you have the ability to choose how you want to react.

 

How Hypnotherapy Can Help

  • Just like its name, Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, focuses on solutions not problems.
  • I offer a professional, confidential and non-judgemental space. So, you have freedom to express yourself as much or as little as you choose.

The combination of traditional talking therapy and deep relaxation techniques allows you to

  • Become calmer and more relaxed
  • Become more Self aware
  • Help put things into perspective
  • Focus on what you do want
  • Become empowered and in control of your own life.
  • Come up with a plan of how you are going to get to where you want to be.

If that sounds like you could benefit or for more details, please feel free to contact me and give your mind a welcome rest.

 

 

Introvert in an extrovert world?

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Do you recharge your batteries alone? or in company?

Scientists suggest that this is now the fundamental difference betweeen establishing where you are on the introverted / extroverted scale.

But humour me?

Do you experience such a rich inner world that you are perfectly happy in your own company?

Are you ever chastised for being shy/ antisocial / snobbish or unconfident?

Do you feel misunderstood?

Do you have empathy and a vivid imagination?

There a place for you in the world to have your gifts valued and lauded.

Always Remember

Embrace your potential. If you can’t face leaving the comfort of your home or you live on the opposite side of the world! The much maligned Internet is our ally. Skype / Zoom sessions may just be the key to the door you’ve been looking for!

Please get in touch  via my contact page and include introversion as a badge of honour in the subject line. I look forward to hearing from you.

Janet